Peace that Surpasses Understanding

I guess I was naive in my thinking, or perhaps had just never really encountered a situation where I was going to have to rely on his will, and trust that he would bring peace, but when Philippians 4:7 talks about how the peace of God, "which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" I always assumed that God would somehow magically make it so that I would be happy about it. That it would not hurt as much as it would without his peace. And perhaps it does... there was definitely a shift when I finally handed the situation to God and said, "okay... this is what you require, and I know it. And I know that you know best, so I'm going to stick with it, even if right now it feels like it might kill me." It hasn't, by the way. It doesn't mean that I'm happy about the situation. It doesn't make it hurt any less. But I know that my God is enough, and that he is bigger than the situation. He sees the finish line, that I can't even imagine in my small, earthly and human brain.

So rather than fall asleep in anguish, crying out to God to give me my way in the situation, which is where I had started to find myself; rather than opening my eyes in the morning, and asking God why it couldn't all just be a bad dream. Instead, I wake with a peace. A peace I don't understand, other than that I know that I am within God's will, and that he is good. All the time.

I still cry randomly about it. Sometimes the tears cut through the peace. Sometimes I don't even see them coming, until suddenly I can't breathe, and the tears are blurring my vision. But the despair is gone. The anguish is dulled. God's will. I don't understand it, and quite frankly I don't always like it, but I know that he is good, and that he has a plan, so rather than stumble around blindly in the dark looking for a match, I will turn instead to Him, the Bright and Morning Sun... and I will rest in his peace, and find comfort through the tears.

Instead I will turn to him, continuing to lift up the situation, and the people involved to Him in prayer. And yes, I will continue to pray for my own hear, and my own attitude throughout it all.