May Flowers?

Is anyone else in this world having trouble believing that we're already into May?

I for one have been blown away by this fact. Not that it seems so terrible that we are fully one third done with the year, which in and of itself is quite difficult to wrap my head around, especially since it seriously seems like it was JUST January, and February, and March for that matter. And I know for a fact that I was JUST in April... but now it is May. It has officially been over a year since I graduated from University. A full year of not knowing what is next. That is also really difficult to accept. I know that God is sovereign, and He has a perfect plan, but golly if I didn't think (or at least hope) that He would have just pointed to a path and said "GO!" He hasn't yet, in case you're wondering. At least not that I've noticed.

That is a thought that scares me sometimes. What if I have been too busy doing my other stuff, or just not paying attention? What if I have missed the offramp (or on-ramp...think of it however you will) or misread the directions that God has given to me. Has He in fact pointed out a path to me and told me to take a step forward, but I missed it? Worse still, what if I was just too scared and decided that he must not have actually meant for me to take that path... "oh you know God, I know that I asked for an opportunity, but I don't think I'm ready for that... try me again!" That is a very sad thought, and I really hope that it is not the case.

So for now I will continue on in the path that I am on. And continue waiting on the Lord. Searching and seeking for whatever His will might be right now. I know that that can be a dangerous thing: to ask the Lord for direction, for purpose... because you really never know exactly where you will end up, but I think I'd rather be in His will than anywhere else.

Either way, it is May. Already. I can't believe it. El Cinco de Mayo already. Crazy.

Holding Pattern

I really really really hate not knowing what I'm doing. Uncertainty really bugs me, and it REALLY irritates me in myself.

The problem is that sometimes when I don't know what I want, or where I'm going; I am totally okay with that. There are times that I KNOW for a fact that God is in control and I am at peace with where He has me right now.

And then there are other times that I "know" that God is in control, but I feel like he has placed me on the shelf and forgotten me. Even better, sometimes I feel like one of those little wind up toys that gets put on display in the little shallow box to waddle around in a circle... and then ends up getting stuck in a corner, or just at the edge, but is still moving it's little mechanical legs and ends up running into the wall over and over and over and over and over. Get the picture?

The last several weeks have felt more like the second scenario to me. I know that God is in control and has a plan, and all of that jazz, but I have NO IDEA where my life is going, and it is not only bugging me, but it's starting to scare me, and I'm really getting irritated at my life.

Needing a change but having no idea where to start, or the self-confidence to follow through is a very disheartening situation to be in. I am very frustrated right now.