I know it has been a really long time since I have written anything on this thing. However, it has not been because I didn't want to write anything... nor was it the result of having nothing to say. Rather, that I feel like I never know how to put my thoughts into words... or if I do manage to somehow put words to my thoughts... I never know if any of it makes sense to those who live outside of my head.
Like now. There are thoughts about the future... family... friendships... all scary thoughts... none of which have been processed enough to be able to put them into words.
It would seem that I am not very organic. Unprocessed thoughts are intimidating. I enjoy when others write in a very free and spontaneous voice... however the idea of putting the raw contents of my head onto the table in front of other people is horrifying.
There are a select few people who I am close enough with to be comfortable sharing the less processed and closer to raw versions of what goes on in my head, the rest of the world gets the planned, prepped and 'perfected' version... to put it another way, the filtered version.
Here is my question: Does the fact that I am not absolutely and completely candid with everyone in my life mean that I am not being real with everyone? Is it okay to let different people see different sides of me... or do I in fact need to be the same with everyone in order to be consistent?
I personally don't think that it is a problem to have certain close friends and family that get to see the more relaxed, playful, free, version of myself, whereas the rest of the world sees a slightly more refined version. I am almost positive that everyone does it on some level. So is it okay?
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i do it all the time. however, im not ok with it. :) im working on it though. but if youre absolutley fine with who and how you are with different groups of people, alls good i think.
ReplyDeletebut i have this same dilemma, i have TONS to say, and i try and organize it... but then it comes out as a mess and i wonder if im the only one who understands it. But it feels good to put it somewhere whether it makes sense or not.
this wasnt supposed to be this long.
Hope youre doing well Amy. God Bless!
I think I struggle with this a lot too friend. I think you have to draw the line at trusting people with your information. Some people have earned your trust and others haven't, that's just how it goes. To some extent I think we all work that way. But ultimately, God is the one who can give us freedom to display the inner parts of our lives to other people (both friends and strangers) without feeling totally vulnerable and scared.
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