Summer is fast approaching its end. Yes, I know that it is still only July, and yes, I know that theoretically Summer goes through the end of August... technically there is still a month plus of summer. My sister is leaving to go back to Hungary in just three short weeks for the beginning of their school year, and that just makes it feel as though the summer is coming to a rapid end.

There is also the tiny little fact, that I don't have school anymore. That seems like a big "Hooray!" but it is actually quite terrifying. At least when you are in the process of University and Higher Education, you know what you are doing... what comes next.

For example, at the end of the school year you sign onto the school website, and check little boxes for courses that you need/want to take, then click the little "Add Course" button and it shows up on your little schedule. Three months later you sign into that same little website and pull up the Student Course Schedule and see all laid out for you in pretty little black and blue letters, exactly what the next 16 weeks of your life is going to consist of: Course A from 9:30 to 11:00 On Tuesday and Thursday, B from 10 to 11 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, etc. Everything is laid out pretty and neat for you. Everything is planned. Everything is pretty straightforward and self-explanatorily.

Post-College life is not that cut and dry. Granted, I am seriously excited that I have finished with my Undergraduate degree. Someday I may even go back to school to get some sort of Master's degree. But right now... it is terrifying. I know that I have said that God is in control. Somewhere in my brain, I know that God really does know what my future holds. But right now I feel like there is a vastness of fog in front of my eyes.

Just once, a few months ago I felt completely at rest on this issue. I admitted to myself and God that I feel completely unqualified for my future, whatever it may be. I also acknowledged that I can do nothing on my own. God has often chosen those who don't seem to have the necessary qualities for their job, but God choses them, and then qualifies them... just look at Moses. (Of course God also put Aaron into Moses' path ot help him along the way. God does that, gives us friends along the way who can help us where we fall short... and boy do I fall short.)

Anyway, after I made those concessions (is that how you spell that?) God, and told Him that I was just going to trust him to qualify me for whatever He had for me, I went to bed. The next day was possibly the best day I have ever experienced, there was peace. Even on a day that should not have been peaceful! It was wonderful.

Of course since then I have had a tendency to take the stress and worry back onto myself and then I just end up feeling like I am tied up in knots, not knowing which way I should go, or which path I should pursue.

This brings me back to my initial point. Fall is fast approaching. I told myself that I would start looking for a 'grown up' job at the end of the summer. Now I still don't know which path to take. I feel like I don't even know which path to start looking for. Maybe I should just follow the leads that the Lord has already given me... that is probably the best place to start.

So... I know that it has been a ridiculously long time since I have written anything here, and I will have you know that I really do feel quite terrible about that. However, it has happened before... and considering the fact that for two of those weeks I was on a bus without regular access to a computer, and that now that I am at home, my internet situation is different than it was down at school, it really isn't that big of a deal.

I probably should have warned you before I made that whole explanation, that this is not going to be much of an entry, however, I was online and decided that I wanted to update.

Update: I have graduated from CBU, and have completed my final choir tour for UCO (there will be more about that hopefully in the near future... possibly including an appearance by a particular stow-away. I am once again working in Pismo Beach, and enjoying it so far. This is going to be a crazy-busy summer!

Anyway, I have pretty much been tired for the last week and a half, so I am going to leave this post here, and go get some shut-eye, so I will update about my life in the near future... or I will try to. I'm sure you can't wait :-)

An Ending... and A New Beginning

Today I turned in the last official assignment of my undergraduate college career. It is a little bit wierd to say that. Maybe that is because I have not had this experience at any point in the last 16-17 years (depending on whether or not you count Kindergarten). Every summer that I have had since starting my educational career has had another school year coming after it. Elementary school was followed by Junior High and then High School, which was followed by Community College and Univeristy. In short, there has always been another assignment, or paper that would need to be done. Another class that had to be taken in fulfillment of some requirement. Although some time in the future I may decide to pursue Graduate studies, at this point in time, there are no plans for another class that I have to take, or another paper that I have to write. It is an interesting feeling... and I feel like there is something that I should be doing. I know that I actually don't have anything that I should be doing right now, but I feel like I should.

It is very easy to understand why people jump right into a Master's degree program, the idea of stopping school and pursuing an actual career of some sort, having to actually become a full fledged adult who has big responsibilities and bills is an almost overwhelming concept. It takes a while to wrap your mind around that... I still don't know whether I have.

The future really is kind of an intimidating prospect. So many others that I know are heading off into careers where they know exactly what they want to do, and I am really excited for them. I on the other hand do not have a plan that is laid out in stone. On the one hand it feels like I should have a grown up job all lined up, or at least have some pretty solid ideas about the kind of job that I would like to pursue, but I don't. I have ideas of things that I could do, and opportunities that I would like to search out, but there are also dreams: travel, and life abroad, fluency in foreign languages, and some that can't even be spoken.

I don't know what my future holds. Only God knows that, and I really can't think of anyone that is better equipped for that knowledge. I don't know whether I heard this somewhere before, or if this is an original thought, but, maybe it is a good thing that I don't know everything that God has for my future, because if I knew, maybe I would be too scared to pursue it; perhaps I would become paralyzed by fear. Life comes a little bit at a time. God equips us for what He has for us. If we knew now what we will be doing years from now, it would probably be unfathomable...and horribly intimidating... but that is an exciting thought too. I am excited to see what God has planned for me!

I may not know what my future holds, but one thing I do know, is that for right now, there are no essays or exams on the horizon, and that is pretty much amazing!

Tonight was a really great night. I got to hang out with a really good friend, and had a lot fun. First, we went to CPK and had pizza. I highly recommend the BLT pizza... seems kind of like a weird concept to have lettuce on a pizza, I know... but absolutely delicious never-the-less.

After wandering around the Plaza for awhile, we went into Cherry on Top and got frozen yogurt... actually, she got frozen yogurt... I got a bowl of fruit that I added to Greek Style yogurt from Vons. Yummy!

My Yogurt/Fruit concoction is the one on the left, Sam's is the other one. We decided that it sort of looks like what you'd think the lights at a rave would look like.

This was another source of big fun for the night. I bought a pocket-sized Edward Cullen. We plan to take many pictures in many different places. The plan is to bring him with me on choir tour to the pacific northwest... Northern California, Oregon, Washington, and Montana... sounds like a plan to me!

Re-Reading Amazing Books

One of the wonderful things about this particular Spring Break is that I do not have a ridiculous amount of homework to do during the time off from school. Therefore, it gives me lots of time to read books. Right now I am re-reading one of the best series I have ever read The Mark of the Lion series, by Francine Rivers.

The series really challenged the way that I look at and think about my own faith, as well as the way that I look at service.

I have been looking forward to re-reading this series for the last two and a half months... and am seriously enjoying them now that I am able to read them again. These are books that I would recommend to anyone to read.

Another awesome bit about this Spring is that I get to spend time with my Dad.

It has occurred to me that it has been well over a month since I last blogged.

I would say that this is unacceptable, but realistically I have sat down multiple times to blog, and just not known what to write, so I have not written anything. I really do have to feel at least somewhat inspired in order to actually post anything.

I was looking through some old pictures on my computer, and decided that I miss the times that <-- this picture reminds me of.

Don't get me wrong, I love where life is right now. And I absolutely love my roommate; but these were good times. Life at the Celestial Dock was so incredibly different than life in Cottage 4 is. The Celestial Dock involved friday night cooking parties, and 'family' dinners, included frequent updates to The Wall of Über excellence, included random dance parties, and fabulous escapades. I miss those days. To be more specific... I miss the roommates. I miss my friends who are no longer at school with me. I love the people I live with now. I love my roommate. I still miss them.

Anyway, I know this is random for a blog, but that is ok.

Working Hours

It has occurred to me as I am sitting here at work that I really shouldn't have been at all upset by the fact that I thought I was only working until 6 o'clock tonight, but found out right before my shift that I was in fact working until 8 o'clock, because in fact, God is just taking care of me.

For the last few weeks or so, I have been a little worried about the fact that I have not been getting very many hours at work. Quite honestly I have been fretting about that fact, and had even seriously considered looking for another job to supplement the hours. I wasn't very thrilled by the idea of a second job, and decided that I would just stick it out a while longer before really considering it.

So last Sunday as I was making out my tithe, I was very seriously considering the possibility of only doing part of my tithe right now, and making up for it later (since I wasn't sure that I would really be getting paid much in the near future). However, I decided that I needed to have faith that He would provide all my needs, so I decided to write the check for the full amount.

I had a tutoring appointment the next morning, and while very sad about the time (9am) because I had stayed up late the night before, I recognized that at least I was getting some time, and tried to be happy. When I got to work I discovered that I had two more appointments for that afternoon that I hadn't known about the day before. To me it seemed apparent that He was watching out for me.

A few weeks ago one of my co-workers asked me to cover a Friday night shift (tonight), and a Saturday morning shift (tomorrow) which I ageed to. So all day today I have known that I had a few hours of work tonight and tomorrow. Shortly before the shift tonight I became aware that the shift was actually for two hours longer than I thought.
Here is where I started to lose sight of God's blessing. Rather than recognize that God was providing me two more hours of work (on a night when I had no other plans), I started to be a little upset that I would have to be here until 8. Why? I have no idea.

During the last few hours of my shift I have thought about it. Sometimes I am so dumb. I ask God to deal with the situation of me not having work hours. I tell him that I am going to trust Him to provide. And then when He does, without even realizing His blessing I start to be upset that my "free time" is being taken from me... when normally it would be a bummer that I have so much free time. God provided for me. He even provided me extra work hours during a time when all of my friends, the people that I would be spending time with anyway, are busy. They are all doing other things right now. I would be sitting at home alone, likely doing nothing, but instead I am at work getting more hours... which I asked Him for anyway.

I don't know if this post really makes any sense or not. But for me it is important to realize that God is taking care of me. I would see it better if I would open my eyes.

I was just struck by a thought. How many other blessings might I be missing because I'm not looking?